Bloodsuckers (too hostile) Dearest (ick, no, I don’t even address the king that way, what is this, little lord Fauntleroy?) To whom it may
Dear mortgage people:
I think we’ve almost worked out a reasonable custody agreement of the family coffers. i personally am not happy about leaving the splendors of my tiny abode in mickey mouse’s backyard, but, in the tradition of trollops everywhere, you have reeled him in with your siren’s call of two garages. I am conceding defeat, only so I stop playing Russian roulette with my china ,in storage.
I am very impressed with both our maturity levels during this last negotiation. I didn’t denigrate your mother OR your horse, you didn’t raise our interest rate. I think we are learning. We can even exchange Christmas cards, if you like. Over in what corner? oh that, it’s just a little doll I made for Sassy, What pin in its forehead?? And this? Simply a little bedtime epistle I penned for her. Oh no, you don’t have to feel obligated to listen to it…I wouldn’t want to impose…if you insist..
“Once upon a time there was a witty, charming and fabulously dressed wise woman who was married to a wonderful, but easily seduced by power tools, man who wanted two garages. (familiar, whatever do you mean) He went into the town to see about a new hovel (any house with only 2 closets and a pantry you can’t store a can of baking soda in is a hovel, pal, no matter how new the roof is)
In the town, he met a kindly old wizard (I really like our Realtor, he rocks, so I can’t castigate him in print) who told him to beware the evil, soulless scourge of the (wait, you’re not leaving now, are you? We’re just getting to the good part. Truce is over…Was it something, I said???